As children, we are inadvertently effected by our parents’ strengths and weaknesses. Our parents are the first examples of everything that shapes who we are and what we become. There is no instruction manual when it comes to raising children. With that said, every parent does the best that they can with what they know how to do.

When I was growing up there were certain rules and regulations that had to be followed. School Monday through Friday, homework after school, clean the entire house on Saturday, and church on Sunday.

One of the rules that was consistent every day was, “everything has a place, everything in its place”.  In and of itself this rule is not bad. If you put things back where they belong, then you can find them the next time you want to use it. This rule establishes structure and tidiness in the home; everything is just so.

I remember one time when my mother asked me to do the dishes. Just for the record, I hate washing dishes. I went on the do what I was told, but without much attention to detail. The following day after school I came in and there were dishes on the dining room table. I slowly crept into the kitchen noticing that all the dishes were out of the cabinet, even the ones we rarely used.

This sight was a mystery to me since “everything had a place, everything in its place” and these dishes certainly was not in place. Completely confused I pick up the phone to call my mother at work. When she answered, I went in to tell her about the dishes being everywhere and that I didn’t do it. She quietly listened to my breathless story, then commented, “It was me.” Now I’m scared.

Bewilderment entered my mind, I didn’t want to ask her why because like I said, I hate washing dishes. After a few seconds of silence, she told me that she pulled all of the dishes out of the cabinet because she went to use a fork this morning and it was dirty. Therefore, she didn’t know what else was dirty and pulled everything out the cabinets. She then told me it was my responsibility to wash all those dishes, drying them, then put them away. Needless to say, after that, I always washed the dishes properly.

This particular incident along with the rules of our house has shaped my entire life. Unknowingly, my mother created a perfectionist. Everything has to be done perfectly or there are consequences. This way of thinking has led to me not doing things because I’m not good at it. It has pushed me to get straight A’s in school because B’s were not good enough. It has led to me quitting on projects because I couldn’t do them perfectly.

Being a perfectionist is exhausting and being perfect is impossible.

I’ve come to realize that the best things in life come in imperfect packages. That sometimes your greatest victories come when you were willing to not be perfect. You may even have to be scared to death, but in the end, it will be worth it.

The house doesn’t have to be spotless. I don’t have to eat the healthiest all the time. My hair doesn’t have to be in place every day. I just have to live the best life that God has given me.

Hello everyone. My name is T. J. and I’m a recovering perfectionist.