This year has definitely been a year of up and downs. I thank God that there has been more ups then downs. Some of the things I set out to do this year did get accomplished. Some, not so much, but I did make progress.

At one point I started to notice that my life had become one big pattern. I would get up, go to work or do something pressing around the house, go to sleep then repeat it all over again the next day. I was bored out of my mind and it started to show. There was nothing that really excited me. I started to think the flame of my desires had gone out.

I then realized that I had been disconnected from my Source. Like a cell phone that hasn’t been charged, I had no power. The constant updates from my Provider hadn’t gotten through.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

As I started to spend more time alone with God I started to see why I felt the way I did. He had told me what He wanted me to do, but I was afraid.

My fabricated blown out of proportion fears stopped me from doing what God created me to do. This made me look at why I was truly afraid. Fear of being judged, fear of not saying the right thing, fear of not being enough, fear of being critiqued, and on and on they went. All being pushed by the same fear; fear of not being perfect.

Who am I to try to be perfect? God already knows I’m a mess and He still gave me a purpose that only I can fulfill in this world. The other voices around me and what I think I can’t do shouldn’t matter. Right?

Hiding from God is impossible, but hiding from myself is exhausting. I know my purpose is wrapped up in my words; the ones I put to paper and the ones that purposefully fall from my lips.

I feel more confident, stronger, and more resilient than when I started this year. My fears are still there, but I decided to go after my dreams anyway because I was made for so much more.

I can sense the flame rising up.