I wasn’t going to post anything today. My mind said let this day slip pass without saying a word. Don’t say anything keep the status quo, but then my heart said no. Bubbling up inside of me was all the love and compassion for those in the same predicament as myself.

When I was twelve years old my Gynecologist told my mother, with no regard for the fact that I was sitting there, that I would never have children. That my periods where to irregular and that I would have to be on birth control for the rest of my life, therefore children where an impossibility.

Over the years I resolved myself to the fact that I would never bare children of my own. I started telling myself I didn’t want children in order to lessen the blow. I avoided baby showers, children’s parties, and anything else that reminded me that the story I told myself was a lie.

Most of all I hated Mother’s Day. It was like a slap in the face. Every year I dreaded

hearing those words “Happy Mother’s Day” and the subsequent questions that came along with it.

 

“How many children do you have?”

“What are you doing with your children for Mother’s Day?”

And so on and so on, you get the picture. My lie had become my security blanket. As long as I told people I didn’t want children then I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of not being able to have them.

Then a ray of light shined in to my dark place. What I thought was happenstance turned out to be a saving grace. I had to change doctors due to a change in insurance. The doctor I chose was Dr. Dorcas Morgan; turned out she specialized in people just like me. On our first appointment she looked me right in the eye and told me, “If you have a uterus then you can have a baby.” Subsequently, I stopped lying to myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and came face to face with the truth that I had denied for so long; I do want children.

Four angle babies later and I am still trying to grasp hold of the dream that I have held so close to my heart. I still believe that one day I will celebrate this day with my children, but until then I will just have to celebrate it myself. Instead of excluding myself because I don’t have any living children I embrace it as a continued reminder of God’s promise to me.

 

You become a mother in your heart before you physically become one. So for those with angel babies, those who are trying to conceive, those that were told it was impossible for them to have children, and for those that mother others. Happy Mother’s Day!